So, to say these last two weeks have been hard is kind of an understatement. I’m on medication now which is…. good and bad. Let me ‘splain.
First off I was supposed to go on Lexapro but my insurance was all “Nah, we don’t cover that shizzy” therefore my insurance is lame. Anyway, my Dr had to ok a generic version similar to that called Celexa. Let me explain what these things are.
“Lexapro is an antidepressant in a group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Lexapro affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause depression or anxiety.”
The problem with SSRI’s is that it can send someone who is bipolar (like muah) into a mania or hypomania (which literally means “under mania”. A mania is a fucking terrifying state.
“Mania (from Greek μανία[1] and that from μαίνομαι - mainomai, "to rage, to be furious") is a severe medical condition characterized by extremely elevated mood, energy, unusual thought patterns and sometimes psychosis.”
I was on Celexa just over a week with no problems. Then shit got nuts. I woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was grinding my teeth and extremely irritable and started having not so good thoughts that were racing like mofo’s. I started getting frustrated with the fact that once again I was on the verge of a severe breakdown and playing a losing game of frogger in traffic began sounding appealing. Hello hypomanic state….I was encouraged by both Jaye and Julia to call the my Dr and I did. He had me come in immediately and prescribed some different meds.
The good news: because I reacted this way to an SSRI this indicates that I am in fact bipolar.
The bad news: dude, I’m really bipolar.
Yes, I’ve been diagnosed. I’m not one of those people that reads shit online and is all “Oh I have this, and that and blahity blah.” It doesn’t WORK that way. If you say that to someone who is in fact mentally ill, it’s a bit insulting. I actually get really uncomfortable when people go on on and on about how they’re “bipolar” cause they have “highs and lows”. Dude, if you’re really worried that you are in fact bipolar GET HELP. It’s a serious condition and not something to fuck around with.
K Back to medication stuff.
So I am now on Abilify which is… good yet bad. Good because all the racing thoughts have stopped and I no longer carry that crippling anxiety about what others think of me. Bad in the sense that my head is foggy and I’m tired as fuck most of the time but that should fade and right now it is manageable. Hell, for once *I* am manageable. I was actually taking tranquilizers as well but due to the fact I was sleeping for 18 hours, my Dr wisely said “K that’s enough”. SO here I be.
Is that??
Could it be???
A bit of light after a long stormy day? ;)
I will stick with this, I will get better, I will not give up. I have reasons to be you see. They’re called friends. And I have a reason to be for myself and my story.
I dedicate this song to my friends:
Don't Give Up by Peter Gaberial but the best version is by Jody Watley. LISTEN TO IT!
in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose
don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good
though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn
drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakeside
as daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong
rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up
'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing
moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs
don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong
BRING ON THE CHEESE!!! lol *hug peeps*
2 comments:
Xantraun said...
*hugs* to thee
Really glad you've finally found something to alleviate your plight. I was actually on Lexipro for two years and some change... As well as a few other make-troy-more-palatable meds. A cheery-troy cocktail, if you will.
I had to take Lexipro to get through college because I was such a freaking ball of ADHD & Anxiety. But yeah, they thought I was possibly bipolar too because I had such a bad reaction to Zoloft. Actually, reacted poorly to a few meds come to think of it. Some of which I don't even remember because they put me into such a transient state that whole months are blinked from existence in my mind. I really wish I could have had the courage to confront my problems back then and not go it alone. No one really knew what was up with me. Was just that weird Troy kid.
And I soooooo hear ya when you grimace at the effing tardbucklers that walk around saying they're bipolar or whatever ailment they aren't diagnosed with just because it's apparently a fad to be screwed up these days.
I get so unnerved when someone does something moronic and then babbles that they must have ADD or something. I was completely crippled as a human being until I was finally diagnosed & treated for my issues... and sadly you were one of the many effected by that. =\
Anywho, before my comment winds up longer than your post... Just wanted to say kudos for the step forward. <3
Xantraun said...
Er... if that double-posts, I apologize. New to how blogger operates. I think I may have just failsauced that one
<_<
First off I was supposed to go on Lexapro but my insurance was all “Nah, we don’t cover that shizzy” therefore my insurance is lame. Anyway, my Dr had to ok a generic version similar to that called Celexa. Let me explain what these things are.
“Lexapro is an antidepressant in a group of drugs called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). Lexapro affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause depression or anxiety.”
The problem with SSRI’s is that it can send someone who is bipolar (like muah) into a mania or hypomania (which literally means “under mania”. A mania is a fucking terrifying state.
“Mania (from Greek μανία[1] and that from μαίνομαι - mainomai, "to rage, to be furious") is a severe medical condition characterized by extremely elevated mood, energy, unusual thought patterns and sometimes psychosis.”
I was on Celexa just over a week with no problems. Then shit got nuts. I woke up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was grinding my teeth and extremely irritable and started having not so good thoughts that were racing like mofo’s. I started getting frustrated with the fact that once again I was on the verge of a severe breakdown and playing a losing game of frogger in traffic began sounding appealing. Hello hypomanic state….I was encouraged by both Jaye and Julia to call the my Dr and I did. He had me come in immediately and prescribed some different meds.
The good news: because I reacted this way to an SSRI this indicates that I am in fact bipolar.
The bad news: dude, I’m really bipolar.
Yes, I’ve been diagnosed. I’m not one of those people that reads shit online and is all “Oh I have this, and that and blahity blah.” It doesn’t WORK that way. If you say that to someone who is in fact mentally ill, it’s a bit insulting. I actually get really uncomfortable when people go on on and on about how they’re “bipolar” cause they have “highs and lows”. Dude, if you’re really worried that you are in fact bipolar GET HELP. It’s a serious condition and not something to fuck around with.
K Back to medication stuff.
So I am now on Abilify which is… good yet bad. Good because all the racing thoughts have stopped and I no longer carry that crippling anxiety about what others think of me. Bad in the sense that my head is foggy and I’m tired as fuck most of the time but that should fade and right now it is manageable. Hell, for once *I* am manageable. I was actually taking tranquilizers as well but due to the fact I was sleeping for 18 hours, my Dr wisely said “K that’s enough”. SO here I be.
Is that??
Could it be???
A bit of light after a long stormy day? ;)
I will stick with this, I will get better, I will not give up. I have reasons to be you see. They’re called friends. And I have a reason to be for myself and my story.
I dedicate this song to my friends:
Don't Give Up by Peter Gaberial but the best version is by Jody Watley. LISTEN TO IT!
in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail
no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose
don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good
though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn
drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakeside
as daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong
rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up
'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing
moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs
don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong
BRING ON THE CHEESE!!! lol *hug peeps*
2 comments:
Xantraun said...
*hugs* to thee
Really glad you've finally found something to alleviate your plight. I was actually on Lexipro for two years and some change... As well as a few other make-troy-more-palatable meds. A cheery-troy cocktail, if you will.
I had to take Lexipro to get through college because I was such a freaking ball of ADHD & Anxiety. But yeah, they thought I was possibly bipolar too because I had such a bad reaction to Zoloft. Actually, reacted poorly to a few meds come to think of it. Some of which I don't even remember because they put me into such a transient state that whole months are blinked from existence in my mind. I really wish I could have had the courage to confront my problems back then and not go it alone. No one really knew what was up with me. Was just that weird Troy kid.
And I soooooo hear ya when you grimace at the effing tardbucklers that walk around saying they're bipolar or whatever ailment they aren't diagnosed with just because it's apparently a fad to be screwed up these days.
I get so unnerved when someone does something moronic and then babbles that they must have ADD or something. I was completely crippled as a human being until I was finally diagnosed & treated for my issues... and sadly you were one of the many effected by that. =\
Anywho, before my comment winds up longer than your post... Just wanted to say kudos for the step forward. <3
Xantraun said...
Er... if that double-posts, I apologize. New to how blogger operates. I think I may have just failsauced that one
<_<
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